Is My Partner My Soulmate? 7 Signs You’ve Found “The One”
04:03:42 March 24, 2025
How to Know If Your Partner Is Your Soulmate
Is finding a soulmate real? And how can you tell if your partner is “the one”? Discover the truth about soulmates and lasting love.
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
The Childhood Fantasy: Was Shaun Cassidy My Soulmate?
When I was 13, I was convinced that Shaun Cassidy—the pop singer and heartthrob from The Hardy Boys—was my soulmate. My bedroom walls were covered with his posters from Tiger Beat magazine, and I dreamed of the day he’d sweep me away from homework to a glamorous life in Beverly Hills.
Of course, Shaun wasn’t my soulmate. But that intense, obsessive crush felt incredibly real. And that deep longing—to be loved completely, to feel cherished and safe in the arms of “the one”—lingered in my adult relationships.
Do you remember your first crush? I’ve asked thousands of couples this question, and they all describe that same intoxicating mix of joy and torment.
We’re not teenagers anymore, yet many of us still chase the fantasy of a perfect partner who will “complete” us. This belief can cause real problems when the initial passion fades and real life—and real love—begins. Redefining what a soulmate truly means can help us build stronger, lasting relationships.
What Is a Soulmate?
The idea of a soulmate is often wrongly credited to Plato. In reality, the ancient playwright Aristophanes claimed that humans were born with half a soul, doomed to search for their “other half.”
This myth isn’t just unrealistic—it’s unhealthy. A strong relationship isn’t about finding your missing piece; it’s about building love through effort, patience, and commitment. If you believe you’ve chosen the “wrong” person, you might give up instead of working to strengthen your bond.
In my work with couples, I help them uncover their subconscious “soulmate checklist”—an impossible standard no real person could ever meet. Instead, we rewrite that checklist to reflect the realities of long-term love.
The 3 Phases of a Soulmate Relationship
Love isn’t static. Trust, passion, intimacy, and companionship all shift over time. Life changes—careers, parenting, loss—reshape relationships.
Here are the three key phases of love, each with its own version of a “soulmate”:
1. The Infatuation Phase – “I Found My Soulmate!”
Falling in love is intoxicating. Chemistry, excitement, and dreams of the future make us believe we’ve met “The One.”
Science offers some clues:
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Prairie voles (small rodents) bond for life, influenced by scent.
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A famous “T-shirt study” found women preferred the smell of men with different immune genes.
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Smelling a partner’s scent can even improve sleep!
But infatuation fades—usually within 18-24 months. When the spark dims, many wonder: Did I make a mistake?
2. The Marriage Inc. Phase – “You’re Not My Soulmate”
After the honeymoon phase, relationships shift. Couples focus on careers, kids, and mortgages—love can feel like a business partnership.
In my coaching program, many couples in this phase feel:
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Lonely or disconnected
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Stuck in a sexless marriage
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Doubting if they chose the right partner
This stage can last years… or a lifetime. But those who invest in reconnecting can rediscover love.
3. The Inspired Love Phase – “We’ve Become Soulmates”
This is the golden stage—where love deepens through shared struggles and growth. You realize:
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Your partner isn’t “perfect,” but they’re perfect for you.
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Happiness comes from within, not just from your relationship.
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Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
This love isn’t about fairy tales—it’s real, enduring, and earned.
Can You Fall in Love Again?
My husband isn’t my “soulmate” in the fantasy sense. But he sees my soul, loves my flaws, and chooses me every day.
Yes, you can fall in love again—with the person you’re already with.